Chapter Two - 2

2

 

The next day, the old man was in the reading room as usual. He passed Kimiyo, bowed, and left. Left in the empty room, Kimiyo began to read the book she had borrowed yesterday. Her bag got in the way on her lap, so she placed it on the table. Inside her bag was a bento box. She had woken up early and prepared it herself. Kimiyo always made herself bento boxes, and she only made them for herself. No one made them for her, and she never made them for others.

Kito showed up that day. He entered the reading room, looking difficult as usual. But when he saw Kimiyo, he breathed a sigh of relief. Kimiyo stared at the buttons on his jet black shirt. She couldn't meet his eyes.

 “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Kimiyo responded in an attempt to be polite. “I didn't know you were coming today.”

“Am I bothering you?”

“No. Though if, theoretically, you were, I wouldn't say so.”

 “I see,” Kito said with a laugh. “Then I'll just keep my mouth shut for a while.”

“That would make me very happy.”

 As he'd said, Kito took a chair and remained silent, but Kimiyo couldn't concentrate on her book anymore. She read it, but its contents didn't enter her head. Every time he so much as glanced at his watch, Kimiyo started. All her nerves felt on edge.

 “I've been thinking about you,” Kimiyo began. “Even if you are my lover, or a reincarnation, or whatever, what exactly is it you want from me now? Why do you keep approaching me?”

 “I'm looking for an end.” Kito ran his fingertips across his forehead. “My end. In other words, I want to go out as myself and not be reborn again. And I hope we can avoid our painful fate of killing each other.”

 “You've been through a lot since you started reincarnating, haven't you?”

“So have you.”

“I don't remember any of that. I can't be hurt by what I don't remember.”

 “Maybe it's good that you don't remember.”

“There's someone I like.”

Kito was silent.

 “To be honest, I'm not sure if I like him like him, but he's someone I want to watch over me. It's not like I'm rushing and forcing myself to fall for anyone just because I'm dying. And this isn't an excuse to get away from you. I haven't sorted out all of my feelings yet, but I can tell you this much. When I die, the one I want by my side is Kirisame. Not you.”

 Kito stared at the floor with downcast eyelids, as though he were enduring a great sorrow. At his feet lay his dark shadow. The shadow was twisted into an awkward shape by the fluorescent lights of the reading room.

 “I was prepared for this,” Kito muttered in a quiet voice. “I'm still carrying too much of my past. It's as you've said this whole time. You're Kimiyo, nobody else. I don't have a place here anymore, do I?”

 “Don't look so sad,” Kimiyo said, feeling suddenly guilty. “What happened in 1971? That's the year my previous life died, isn't it? I lost all my memories of that. If what you're saying is true.”

“We tried to close the seven-pointed star. We tried to close off the cycle of reincarnation using the seven-pointed star engraved on the dagger. But you died in the process. No, you didn't die. I killed you. That night, you were lying in a large parking lot on campus. You were in the center of a large seven-pointed star, drawn in lime. It was a starless night. We had drawn the seven-pointed star ourselves. We were planning to sleep in the center of the star until morning. It was a ritual to end our reincarnations. For us, it was a faint hope that we could finally end our curse. We just wanted to carry out a simple ritual. But when I woke up next morning, you were dead. There was a dagger in your chest. It must have been me.”

“Where did the dagger come from? You didn't bring it with you, did you?”

 “We entered the star with nothing on us but our clothes. Of course, that includes the dagger. Once we entered the seven-pointed star, we never left it. If we'd tried to leave the star, we definitely would have left footprints in the lime, but there weren't any. The star needed to cover a large area. That's why we chose the parking lot. Of course, there was nothing around. But... there was a dagger in your chest.”

 “What are you saying? It's not like the dagger fell from the sky. I was stabbed by a dagger that didn't exist.”

 “I'll say it as many times as it takes. I killed you. Where the dagger came from isn't the issue here.”

Kimiyo tilted her head.

 “I don't know anything about fate or your painful memories, but I think we should just forget about all of this. So you killed me in a previous life. So what? I don't hold a grudge. Maybe the curse is already broken? You can't know if you'll reincarnate until you die.”

“That's what you always say. Every time, 'maybe everything's already over', 'maybe we managed to break the curse'. And now, you have forgotten everything. Even me. But what should I do now? I'm alone. I'm all alone...”

“This is your last life. This is the last time you'll ever be you. For the rest of your life, you'll remember me, but in your next life you'll forget everything, so you should just live this life to the fullest.”

“It's so hard.”

“I know. But-”

“You don't know anything.”

Kito shook his head vehemently. He was completely rejecting her. Kito stared blankly at the floor.

Kimiyo had learned that it was hard to live, but at the same time, she knew she had to take the one life she'd been given seriously.

 “You must be tired.”

“I've been tired for so long. I've been dreaming for what feels like an eternity, but now I'm finally awake. And I find that my hands are empty.”

Kito covered his face. He looked like his entire self was empty.

The door opened quietly and Kirisame walked in. He held a book in one hand. He looked a bit surprised at Kito's presence. However, as though he hadn't seen a thing, he put the book down on Kimiyo's table and turned to leave without a word. But Kito stopped him.

 “Are you Kirisame?”

 “That's right.”

Kito looked up at Kirisame for a time, as though there were something on his mind. A few seconds passed.

 “I never should have been born into this world,” said Kito, “and yet I was. What should I do?”

“Saying 'I never should have been born' is a privilege only the born have. What should you do? Nothing special at all. Just live your life like anyone else.”

Kirisame spoke in a quiet tone that was very unusual for him. Kito nodded. Kirisame bowed politely and left the reading room.

 “I should get home,” Kito said, standing up. “I'll be going now.”

 “I think I might have said something really awful to you.”

“It's fine. Don't worry about it.”

Kito opened the door and left. Kimiyo couldn't make herself watch him leave.

Kimiyo looked at the book Kirisame had left her. It was an old Scottish story she had asked him to find. Kimiyo took the book and her lunch and left the room. Utamika was manning the front desk alone. She was so absorbed in reading an English book that she didn't notice Kimiyo come in. Kimiyo walked past the front desk and made for the entryway. The entryway was a spacious room with a high ceiling, and was also empty. Kimiyo sat on the sofa and opened her bento. A small chandelier hung shining above her. It looked as though it was shining for her and her alone. Kimiyo ate her rolled omelettes. She thought she should have used less sugar. It was a hollow meal. She felt a strong kinship with Kito. She also had nothing to do, no one next to her, and merely continued to exist. Kimiyo was suddenly afraid to die. She thought that the essence of death might have been loneliness. “I never should have been born into this world.” Kito's words echoed in her mind. But that was fine. There was a moon in heaven, and angels danced around it. She'd love it. But what if she were alone? That'd be fine. She'd always been like that. Her head hurt. She wondered if she'd still get headaches in heaven. Kimiyo gave a bitter smile.

 “You're crying, Kimi.”

It was Kirisame. He stretched his long legs as he sat down next to Kimiyo. Kimiyo stared at Kirisame for a moment, lost in her feelings for him.

“I'm not crying.”

Kimiyo forced herself to shake her head.

“You're so proud.”

Kirisame gently placed Kimiyo's head to his chest.

Kimiyo rested her body against him. She felt at peace.

“You're teasing me.”

“Did you like the book?”

“I haven't read it yet, but I'm sure it's nice.”

“That's good.”

“Hey, I dropped my chopsticks.”

“You can pick them up later.”

“I don't want to die. I'm afraid to die. I'm so afraid. Am I crying? I must be terrified. Why am I the only one who has to die like this? I don't want to die. I don't want to be alone.”

“But you aren't alone now. I'm here with you.”

“I'm going to make you a bento, Kirisame. Will you eat it?”

“Of course.”

“We'll eat them together. We'll have lunch together.”

“Mm.”

“It's so frustrating that I can't make time stop. I wish we could just stay like this forever.”

“Time doesn't matter, anyway.”

Kirisame laughed.

The entryway was silent.

“I don't know what to think of Kito. When I said goodbye earlier, he looked so sad. He looked at me as though he'd just witnessed the end of the world. I wonder if there really is such a thing as reincarnation. He said he found me by following the dagger. But I'm not the only one who's near the dagger kept in this library. Miki and Utamika are here, too. So why does he assume I'm the one who reincarnated?”

“Maybe you've got the same face.”

“Does your face stay with you through your reincarnations?”

“Maybe. Or maybe he was telling the truth about seeing you at the moment he reincarnated. Either way, only he can know for sure.”

“He also told me what happened in 1971. I was killed in a seven-pointed star. A dagger wound up in my chest, even though it wasn't supposed to have been there.”

“About that...”

Kirisame pulled a piece of paper from his pants pocket. Kimiyo took it from him and unfolded it. It was a copy of a newspaper article. It was dated December 18^th, 1971. The headline was blunt. “Bodies Found of Murdered Young Man and Woman”.

“At time of writing, the bodies have yet to be identified. The man's cause of death has been found to be dramatic blood loss due to a stab wound to the neck, while the woman's is cardiac arrest following a stab to the chest. The murder weapon, a Western-style dagger, was left at the scene, but no fingerprints were found.”

“That's not what Kito said. I was the only victim.”

“Yes, and yet according to this article, both of you were murdered.”

“And there's nothing written about the seven-pointed star.”

“That must be some sort of media embargo. Or maybe the star wasn't there to begin with. But the important question isn't whether the star was there or not. If the woman who was killed was you in a previous life, who was the other man who died with you?”

“It was Kito, right?”

“Did Kito die with you? If Kito died with you in his previous life, then who exactly is he now? He's obviously much older than you.”

“That's true – and the thing with the dagger is also a mystery. I wonder if one of them had it hidden on their person and they killed each other after they entered the star. The dagger couldn't have just flown up and killed them on its own.”

“We must have made a false assumption somewhere.”

Kimiyo tossed aside the copy of the newspaper and leaned closer to Kirisame. “Life's so short. Hey, tell me about the moon.”

“The moon?”

“Uh-huh.”

“What about?”

“Like gravity or something.”

“Well, we all live within the moon's gravitational pull.”

“What else?”

“All matter with any mass has gravity.”

“So, Kirisame and I are connected right now because of the pull of gravity.”

“No, that's just you.”

 

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